Television is complete fucking shit. So in light of that information for the remainder of this article I shall refer to it by it's more appropriate name, shitevision. There are numerous reasons why the shitevision is shit and below I have detailed a number of them out for you.

The first reason is of course because of the inexcusable waste of potential that shitevision has managed. To be honest shitevision more or less could have been what the internet is today. Granted there likely wouldn't have been a google search on your shitbox, nevertheless the inexhaustible amounts of information available at a few button clicks away could have existed. Imagine for a moment an alternate reality where television didn't become shitevision as it is known to us today, but instead a device full of interesting and educational programs available for anyone to watch. Rather than showing morons and dumbasses arguing over the un-natural shape of their family tree (see daily talk shows, I actually went to find an example of this but after just a few moments of looking at these programs' web pages I couldn't take it anymore), imagine if public university's broadcasted their best lectures for the public to see. Can you imagine the greatness that could have been accomplished if instead of stupid whores bitching (mtv, fox news, etc.) we could watch the proceedings at the latest international research conference for physics, engineering or architecture? Just think how much further society would be today if the TED conference was aired each year instead of the oscar awards presented by this shit, E!Online. How great the world could have been if those were the programs which made up mainstream media, rather than the stupid shit which gets aired today.

The ways in which shitevision has fallen disastrously short of its potential are numerous but sadly it gets worse. In a few rare instances shitevision actually did create something moderately useful and even educational. I am of course referring to documentaries found on Discovery, National Geographic, or investigative reports like 60 minutes. Though I haven't seen any of these programs in years (more on that later) I believe their intention is to bring some light to important social, political, ecological, and/or scientific issues. However sadly these programs too have been tainted by the stench of shitevision.

Frankly the problem with these shows is that they waste too much god damn time! In the span of one hour a typical program will have 20 minutes of fucking commercials. Advertisements for shit that you'll never buy, let alone want to see. Shitevised commercials seriously need to fuck off. No one gives a fuck about the stupid shit those assholes are trying to sell and now with devices like tivo nobody even watches that shit anymore anyway, so they really should just stop wasting everyone's fucking time. Think about how crazy that is, an entirely new technology was inspired, designed and created all just to get commercials to fuck off, advertising companies should really take a hint already.

The next bullshit characteristic of shitevision is that in the remaining 40 minutes of our 60 minute program we only end up with two, 5-minute sections of original footage. The rest of the fucking time they are either explaining what they will show after the commercial or are re-capping what happened right before the commercial. It's fucking bullshit! I was sitting here two fucking minutes ago and saw the god damn program I don't need a fucking three minute explanation on two minutes of fucking video that I just god damn saw! Fuck off already!

By now shitevision couldn't possibly get any worse, but sadly it does. I was recently invited to a friend of a friend's house to hang out (not a friend mind you, I could never deal with the social ineptness of this mind boggling individual). In any case this moron insisted that she watch shitevision while her guests were there. Fair enough I guess, it was her house after all, but nothing could have prepared me for the full brunt of the bullshit I was about to face. She was watching some bullshit music program which would seem harmless enough considering people regularly meet friends and listen to music while chatting. Here's where the shit of shitevision really showed through in full force. The program schedule had a 30 second introduction of the band that would perform, just stupid meaningless chatter followed by two minutes of the band playing then an introduction to the commercial. After watching for awhile I began to notice that it might actually be possible that there was more shitty commercial footage that actual fucking program footage? So I decided to time one interval of commercial to program play time. If you consider an introduction to a commerical as commercial time (ie. its not program time) there was twice as much commercial footage than there was of actual program footage. Jesus fucking shit christ what in the hell man?! Are you fucking kidding me? To make matters worse every time a band took part in 30 seconds of mindless banter the stupid girl who owned the place would tell everyone to be quiet so she could hear. Worse yet though, every time she thought it was the last commercial before returning to the program she would tell everyone to be quiet so that she wouldn't miss any of the band talking had the program returned. However every time she asked people to be quiet it was a minimum of three commercials prior to the actual return of the god damn program.

The part I can't understand is if the stupid bitch wanted to watch some dumb shit on shitevision why did she invite her friends over? Watching shitevision is not something you do when you have guests...because its fucking boring. Shitevision is something morons do when they aren't doing anything else (ie. drooling or spewing noise pollution from their pie holes). To test this theory I actually asked the girl, so what are your hobbies? And I swear to god she replied, "watching tv." I almost fucking died where I stood. Watching shitevision... That's your fucking hobby?! That's not a god damn hobby that's being a stupid dumb bitch and wasting all your fucking time doing nothing and progressively getting dumber with each passing moment! After that less than dismal response it goes without saying I got the fuck out of dodge quicker than a fat kid eats a chocolate bar.

Aside from analyzing the lack of thought processing power possessed by those who watch shitevision lets return to the original matter, commercial to program broadcast ratio. On shitevision, due to the extreme levels shit it takes 60 minutes to get out 10 minutes of actual information. Those same 10 minutes could be digested within 5 minutes had they been written into a book, perhaps 6 if you happen to read slow. A while back I really began to consider the impact of this 6x time requirement for shitevision to accomplish anything, more specifically I considered the implications of what would happen if I got rid of it. So a few years back when I was still in college I was moving into a new place but the shitevision wasn't mine. So when I got into my new place I never bothered to bring a shitevision along with me. That was roughly 5 years ago and let me tell you its been a wonderful fucking five years! To put this into perspective I've made a list of all the things that I have been able to accomplish over the past few years now that I never watch shitevision.

Giant List of Kickass Shit I Did because I Got Rid of Shitevision:

  • Learned How to Salsa Dance
  • Learned to Play Drums
  • Learned Japanese
  • Learned to Draw
  • Learned to Cook (Img1, Img2)
  • Learned How to Program for the Web
  • Learned Computer Graphics (Art Section)
  • Joined a Band (U.S.)
  • Joined a Band (Japan) (Img)*
  • Joined a Cooking Class
  • Joined a Semi-professional Cycling Team (Japan)**
  • Cycled from Honsyuu to Shikoku (Img)
  • Cycled Across North Carolina (CNC)
  • Moved to Japan
  • Co-founded a Company
  • Produced a Feature Length Film
  • Read Numerous Books
  • Played Volleyball Regularly
  • Wrote Numerous Stories for Various Mediums
  • Got a Master's Degree from Hiroshima University
  • ...and last but not least, I married an incredibly smart and beautiful Japanese woman***

* Actually one of the band members from America with me and the band in Japan.
** One member became pro and moved to Europe, he recently won the Japan National Race for age group 23 and under.
*** By the way, since that's my wife, I win, at life!

Bare in mind that all of these things I've done just in the past five years and is mainly due to the fact that once shitevision fucked off I found I had a lot of time available to pursue meaningful and interesting goals. I absolutely recommend it to everyone, get rid of your shitevision because I guarantee you, you don't need it. After the first few days of not having a shitevision near me I realized how fucking great life was going to be and ever since that first week without it I've grown to actually hate shitevision more and more. I hope I never own a shitevision again because ever since I got rid of it life has been fucking awesome and it goes without saying that I don't miss shitevision in the slightest. Basically all the cool shit that you might see on shitevision is what you start doing once you get rid of shitevision.

It's actually impossible to fully describe how great life is without a shitevision shittying it all up, but believe me its fucking magnificent. If you ever happen to see some amazing person on a shitevision (people like the speakers at TED or other amazing individuals) I can promise you that they don't waste their time watching the shitbox. They are to busy doing all the coolest stuff in real life rather than just seeing other people do it. Shitevision is exactly what it sounds like it is, it's shit. Do yourself a favor and reduce the amount of shit in your life and get rid of your shitevision, I assure you that you will be a lot happier if you do. Furthermore once you get rid of shitevision you have both more time and more money available to spend on your hobbies. People who watch shitevision (just like the girl I mentioned earlier) are so god damn boring compared to people who don't its almost too difficult to carry on any kind of friendship with those people because nothing they do is of any interest to anyone, they sit around and watch a shitbox all day, who the fuck wants to talk about that? Talking about things on shitevision is more boring than watching you're dog take a crap when he goes for a walk.

There is only one possible arguement for why anyone would still have a shitevision and that arguement would be, "I need it to keep up with current events." At first this might seem somewhat legitimate but I remind you of one final fact that trumps anything shitevision has to offer: Anything that is any good on shitevision is also on the internet, without commercials, and for free.

May 25th, 10:
Travian Vis
Vis is better than
the game.
December 15th, 09:
Mario AI
One agile plumber
November 30th, 09:
and this years
winner of
SIAJAWWTA Pie Competition

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